Chrysalis' Transgender Questions Answered (Year 2000)

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A common thread throughout the community is looking for answers to the multitude of questions that plague us and bedevil our lives. While nobody has all the answers, sometimes we do have insights. Since the very best answers are those we find for ourselves, this is not strictly an advice column. Nor are we by any means experts or certified professionals. What we are, are people like yourself. We've searched for answers, and occasionally found some. Our goal here is to share our insights with you, to perhaps show you a perspective that you may not have seen, and thereby gain your own answer. Since many questions tend to follow common threads amongst the transgender community, we will address those questions first. If you have a question you are seeking answers to, by all means contact us. While we may not be able to respond directly to every inquiry, we will whenever possible attempt to help in any way we can. PLEASE send any questions you may have from the serious to the frivolous, transgender related or not to: Q&A Your questions are what will make this column worthwhile.

NOTE: I am not qualified, nor do I have the resources to answer medically specific questions. Nor is this the source to look for charting YOUR medical and treatment needs. Those questions are best dealt with by working together with your Doctors and Therapist. This is an ADVICE column. The answers are only my opinion, based on my own experience and the best information available to me.


Identities will be kept CONFIDENTIAL . Address your questions to


In Memoriam: Connie Ann 'Chrysalis' Spry

1947 - 2005

Connie, known as Chrysalis, originally posted these pages on her "Another Waye" website and contributed generously to  After fiercely battling persistent illnesses, she passed away peacefully in her sleep on May 25, 2005.   She served two tours in the Vietnam War in the Marine Corps.   She was an active leader of her local church, an uncompromising advocate for GLBT rights, and the epitome of unconditional love.  She was mother, friend and sister to many, and will be missed very much."


Question: I'm an 18 year old f2m and I have many questions. First of all I wanted to know if you think that I have to talk to a doctor to go under male hormones, and if the answer is yes, then if you can give me some names (possibly in Italy, or in Va.). Then I'd also like to know about all the doctors I'll need (breast reconstruction, etc.) and their fees, more or less. I have been looking for everything you would need to have before you had the surgery, and more. I have searched the Web for ages with no luck at all (mostly I've found m2f sites- unlucky me!). I would be very happy if you could send me info on what I need and some price's on female to male surgeries in or around Virginia. If you have information on Italian surgery (north Italy), I would be very glad as well. Do you have any good ideas on how to hide my breast (without it hurting so much- I tie it up real hard) and look more like a boy? Thank you,   Received November 2, 2000

Question: Why can't a surgeon transplant all female organs into a male body?    Received October 29, 2000

Question: I am a 44 y/o, divorced, heterosexual female, dating a man for the past 6 months who recently reveals he is taking female hormones. He/we had incorporated some crossdressing items for him during our sexual experiences, but he had said it was a fetish only. He has "gender dysphoria" which I'm am eagerly learning about. But I'm not sure of how to manage this. I'm wondering if statistically men who have this strong feminine side,( which is full of those wonderful qualities of kindness, sensitivity, compassion, ect) are actually most sexually attracted to other men?? I now find those crossdressing experiences as having much more meaning, and I'm finding them not to be arousing to me anymore. And yet, I want him to be happy, and express himself in a way he finds fulfilling. Would I be insensitive to tell him I'm not comfortable with the cross dressing now? I don't want him to feel rejected, as this must have been very difficult for him to share. I respect and love him very much. Are most heterosexual couples actually able to negotiate this into their relationship? Is there a chance he's not fully aware of his possible leanings toward being sexual with men? He finds the pictures of men with breasts very arousing. Please share any counsel you can, as I will be forever grateful. Any internet sites dealing with females involved with men who have sexual dysphoria? Thank you very much-    Received October 1, 2000

Question: My psychologist is ready to recommend that I start hormones, but first I want full details on the subject. Where can I find information? Received September 23, 2000

Question: We are trying to create a diversity questionnaire for our company. We did a pilot of the survey and listed male, female, and transgender under the gender category. Someone objected to the inclusion of transgender saying that it isn't a gender. Do you have any information, thoughts on this question? Received September 14, 2000

Question: I'm a 30 M2F T who is pre-op and has been without a female partner since I transitioned 4 yrs ago. I have been interested in women and have tried relationships with men. I've found out that I would feel more comfortable with a female partner/relationship. The concern is - Do lesbian women tend to be attracted to cute looking pre-op T's? Or do they tend not to want to get involved with a pre-op T?. I cannot be read very easily at all and most people think I'm somewhere between 19-23. If so, how should I go about finding these women? posted Feb. 5, 2000

Question: Should my kids call me dad? They have been calling me (femme name). I Believe that to be a woman, is not to be a man. So I hate being called anything that has to do with the male gender. I have always known I wanted to be a woman cause I have never felt different otherwise. Although I am 32 years old, I'm taking natural estrogen pills, promensil, black cohosh, and sage on a daily basis. I wish that I was taking regular premarin ( the purple pill) but just haven't gotten around to it. I've been married X yrs. still married, but want a sex change bad. I 'm not sure what my future holds but am comfortable where I'm at as long as the kids aren't pressured at school because of me. How can something so clear to me be so hard for people to accept and live with? So, should I have my children call me dad? I have them call me Miss (femme name), or just (shortened version of femme name). What do you think? posted Feb. 5, 2000

Question: I am just starting out to assemble a wardrobe and I need help with the basics. First, how do I buy a bra? I checked catalogs and some say measure below the breast, some say above, others have a weird formula you have to follow. It's so confusing! And, it doesn't stop there! Once I (think I) know my size. What kind of bra should I get? Under wire? Side support? Cross my heart? Straps or strapless? Padded? There are SO MANY options that I am paralyzed with confusion. Maybe a description would help. I'm a little over weight and so I have a slightly pronounced breast area.
What is the best bra to smoosh it all together so I can fill the cup? I'm not looking for sexy lace bras (at least not just yet), just a normal bra that a woman would wear every day. Can you give me a clue?
posted Feb. 5, 2000

Question: Are there any surgical procedures to the vocal chords that can create a female voice?  posted Feb. 5, 2000

Question: I just wanted a little info on the new product that I read in the San Diego Union Tribune. I wanted to know if you know any info that may help understand a little better? Does this product really work and how well?
Is it safe and how often and long do you need to use it? When can we expect to see this new product? I know it will be by prescription only but when will it be in San Diego?
Thanks for any info you can give me.
posted Feb. 5, 2000

Question: I'm a 50 year old CD who is seriously thinking of coming out. I have reached a point in my life where I can no longer hide who and what I am. I'm not sure I want to become a woman, but I am much more comfortable as one. I have also placed myself in a Asexual Mode. My heterosexual friends think I'm hetro, and my gay friends think I'm gay, and I'm neither. ( Don't ask, don't do!!!) I am in need of support, and guidance in this matter. I look at the Vanity Club, and I am intimidated. Everyone is soooo beautiful, and I am at best an "Ugly Duckling". I guess I've made a decision, I just don't want to be alone on this. Please help! posted Feb. 5, 2000

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