Chrysalis' Transgender Questions Answered (Year 1999)

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A common thread throughout the community is looking for answers to the multitude of questions that plague us and bedevil our lives. While nobody has all the answers, sometimes we do have insights. Since the very best answers are those we find for ourselves, this is not strictly an advice column. Nor are we by any means experts or certified professionals. What we are, are people like yourself. We've searched for answers, and occasionally found some. Our goal here is to share our insights with you, to perhaps show you a perspective that you may not have seen, and thereby gain your own answer. Since many questions tend to follow common threads amongst the transgender community, we will address those questions first. If you have a question you are seeking answers to, by all means contact us. While we may not be able to respond directly to every inquiry, we will whenever possible attempt to help in any way we can. PLEASE send any questions you may have from the serious to the frivolous, transgender related or not to: Q&A Your questions are what will make this column worthwhile.

NOTE: I am not qualified, nor do I have the resources to answer medically specific questions. Nor is this the source to look for charting YOUR medical and treatment needs. Those questions are best dealt with by working together with your Doctors and Therapist. This is an ADVICE column. The answers are only my opinion, based on my own experience and the best information available to me.


Identities will be kept CONFIDENTIAL . Address your questions to


In Memoriam: Connie Ann 'Chrysalis' Spry

1947 - 2005

Connie, known as Chrysalis, originally posted these pages on her "Another Waye" website and contributed generously to  After fiercely battling persistent illnesses, she passed away peacefully in her sleep on May 25, 2005.   She served two tours in the Vietnam War in the Marine Corps.   She was an active leader of her local church, an uncompromising advocate for GLBT rights, and the epitome of unconditional love.  She was mother, friend and sister to many, and will be missed very much."


Question: I am a CD/TV/TG/TS (whichever applies). Should I tell my wife/partner/SO? If so How? posted Feb. 5, 1999

Question: Could you give me a little info for going in public places for us just coming out, and who may fall across a wide range of how completely female they will appear or dress? Are there many others out there who try to combine both sexual worlds, including in how they dress? Is it wise for me to go places partially dressed, such as just wearing a simple skirt, or am I asking for trouble from those who don't understand? Is it better to completely make myself up before going out? I want to go out acknowledging my femininity, but I should I just dress how I feel, or follow a more detailed plan? posted Feb. 18, 1999

Question: I am a CD/TV/TG/TS (whichever applies). My SO knows. Should I tell my kids? posted Feb. 24, 1999

Question: Is there any real reason that most of us crossdressers like short skirts and dresses and high heels? And most of us were brought up Catholic? posted Mar. 24, 1999

Question: I am a weekend TV who needs help with wigs. I am bald and have the worst time trying to make a wigline look natural. I have seen RuPaul's wigs and they look like they are growing right out of his scalp. How is this done???? posted Mar. 24, 1999

Question: I just recently started dressing and went out for the first time this past weekend... My wife has been very supportive so far but I don't want to "rock the boat" Would it be advisable to ask her to go out with me or should I wait awhile? What do you think??????? posted Mar. 24, 1999

Question: If there is a surgery from a man to a women why cant the doctors implant a woman's uterus? I mean it would give the hormones and allow the person to bear children. posted Mar. 24, 1999

Question: How can I find a reasonably priced doctor to start me on hormones or where can I get them? posted Apr. 16, 1999

Question: What can you tell me about use of the drug stilbestrol for feminization? I would be particularly interested in any information you could give on : appropriate dosage, side effects (particularly on fertility), and amount of time before changes occur and become irreversible. I am interested in transitioning, but would like to get as much information as possible on specific drugs before approaching a doctor. posted Apr. 16, 1999

Question: Are there women who actually enjoy femininity in their man, and, though not to the point of promiscuity, are there any of these same women who accept their man's bisexuality in his crossdressing expressed openly with their wives or girlfriends? posted Jun. 4, 1999

Question: Looking for a surgeon that has done many trachea shaves !   Specifically in the northeast.  I live in CT. and would be willing to drive to PA to MI.   Can you offer any assistance to this very frustrating question ? posted Jun. 4, 1999

Question: I've heard that for Male to Female transgender people under hormone therapy, if they have had their nipples pierced that at best they will maybe a 5% in nipple development? I was hoping to get advice as to if this is true or not and maybe a hint as to why it would occur? posted Jun. 4, 1999

Question: I am looking for info/referrals on relocating the urethra to a point similar to a woman's posted Jun. 4, 1999

Question: I would like to know if about beard removal with laser light and Epilight treatments. I would like to know something about the costs of these treatments roughly and how these treatment works. I would like to know also of the results and whether if anyone has used these treatments to remove their beard growth. posted Jun. 4, 1999

Question: I am a m2f closet Transvestite looking for a way to increase my breast size without using hormone injections. Does anyone have any knowledge about the many supplements on the market?? 1. At what point would a (biological) man taking female hormones lose the ability to have an erection? Or would he lose this ability at all? 2. Are there are any herbs (natural hormones etc) that anyone has research on use in the transgender community to help with the change? posted Jun. 4, 1999

Question: I'm a 15 year old CD, and I think I'm a she-male. My mom knows and I think my dad knows that I'm CD but I know that they don't know that I'm a she-male not on hormones. I know that this info would kill them. Besides that my mother refuses to accept the way I am and so I haven't come out yet. I want to feel natural and good about myself which is the exact opposite I feel everyday I wake up in the morning and think about the clothes I want to wear and the clothes I have to wear. My mother has an iron grip on me since she is my financial support. What should I do? posted Jun. 4, 1999

Question: What suggestions do you have for covering up my heavy 5 o'clock shadow that's there right after I shave? I've tried the basic face and leg covers but they don't do the trick. posted Jun. 4, 1999

Question: I am a 15 year old boy who wants to be a girl. This isnt normal. What should I do? posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: I am a fairly new CD/TV. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with sexual Dysphoria. My name is Valorie and I really have no clue where to start. I haven't been able to find a starters guide or anything like that. I have been wearing women's clothing since I was 10 and I am now 22. But regardless of what I try I just don't look right. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or missing because no web site or book that I have found will help much. Besides I have already talked to a Mental Health Scientist that has given the same recommendation and I am already approved for SRS. Help! posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: I'm a Transsexual and I've been living full time for three years now, I'm lesbian identified and have had a few relationships since I transitioned. Lately though I've been questioning the my nature, and have truly started thinking about not completing the process, deliberately not going through with surgery, also staying on smaller doses of hormones to maintain my functionally. I am still fully functional at this time. I'm wondering how my psychologist may react to this decision, and also how a choice like this may affect me in my chosen sexuality? I have truly been afraid that I may be dooming myself to be alone by making this choice. posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: I have been looking for everything you would need to have before you had the surgery, and more. I have searched the Web for a year-and-a-half now with no luck. I would be very happy if you could send me info on what I need and some price's on male to female surgeries in or around Ohio. posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: How do I hide my penis (or minimize the appearance of it)? posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: I saw on 20/20 where a man lived as a woman, without his/her husband knowing. In the report the man said he was able to push the penis inward, inverting it, making somewhat of a temporary vagina. Is this really possible, and if so, how is it done without hurting the genital area?posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: I'm a M2F TG who is currently married to a wonderful woman who has been a great inspiration to me. She is my greatest supporter and though she does not understand why, she does accept my transition. I've only been in transition since February officially, but I'm finding that I have more of an interest in men. How would you suggest I go about exploring this issue without jeopardizing my relationship with my wife? posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: I have been taking estrogen shots and progesterone pills for 6 mos. but have interrupted usage for 8 mos. Will I likely see any further results in breast enlargement from my A cup size if I return to the injections and pills or will this likely be a waste of money? What about pills for restricting hair growth? My doctor recommended them before I suspended my hormone treatments. What I would really like to know is what is the best procedure for continuing my transition in regards to continuing breast growth and hair growth restriction? posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: I am a closet CD, (only my wife knows). I see many nice things in department and specialty stores. What is the best way to go about purchasing them? Should I even try to be discreet? Should I phone first and find out if the store is "friendly"? What about trying clothes on? Any good suggestions of stores in the Greenville (Charlotte, Atlanta) area would be especially appreciated. posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: Is there any relationship between shaving off body hair and turning to cross-dressing? I started shaving area's of my body about 10 month's ago, since then I've become, more and more like a woman. I'm 41 year's old and recently divorced, I've always cross-dressed but never had thought's and feeling's like I've had as of late. Not only do I have different thought's but my body is changing! Please let me know your opinion? posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: Hi call me Jen. I am a male who wants to change. Can you help me through this stage? I want it so much I am still trying out female clothes...posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: I have a question regarding an internet site that I have not been able to find; please help. There used to be a service in Michigan that advertised on the web that would transform a person temporarily transform a male to female (for pictures). Do you have any idea if they're still around or what their web-site might be? posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: My question is in regards to finding a companion that is accepting of crossdressing. Do you have any recommendations on how to find this person? Is there any groups that would allow me to meet that female? Also, are there any indications or clues that I should be looking for that would possibly indicate that a women is at least open to these possibilities? Lastly, do you have any recommendations on bringing up and when to bring up these issues to a female you are dating? I should also include that I am a 27 year old heterosexual male that is looking for a female companion. posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: Are you aware of any prescription drug and/or treatments that would allow me to keep a full head of hair rather than having to use a wig? posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: I am a 16 year old transsexual living in Minnesota, just outside of the Twin Cities. I was born as what appeared to be female but there was a problem. I apparently was not endowed with ovaries or a uterus, yet I appeared to be female. My parents were given a choice: Either they could leave me be, or they could have some minor surgery done and I would be a "normal" male. Being my parents, they opted for the latter. My life went on, and at a very early age, I found that I not only had difficulty identifying with other boys, but tended more toward the female side. As I grew older, it only got worse. I started Crossdressing, I started to desire to be female. Worse, when I hit puberty I started to develop secondary female characteristics. I was hustled away, given hormonal therapy for a year or more and was declared "cured." But I wasn't cured. I still crossdressed, and I simply could not deny my desires to be female. More recently, I have come across several wonderful and dear friends from different walks of the online community. With their help and friendship, I eventually gained the confidence to inform a few of my peers that I am a transsexual. Moreover, everybody I tell says that it is almost a given that I should one day get the SRS. I will say that I most definitely want an SRS someday. At the same time though, I tend to worry. Though this is not that I come to easily, I cannot help but worry about its implications upon my future. I go to College in just under 2 years, I have a career ahead of me. And worst, I have no idea how my parents will react. I am very, very fearful that they may disown me. I come to you people upon the recommendations of my friends, because quite frankly, you can offer life experience in this matter. What do you recommend for this poor young un? posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: Has anyone tried the Gro-bust product advertised on the television? I have tried the product from the Phoenix foundation with not every good results. posted Nov. 1, 1999

Question: Can you have speech therapy before SRS surgery to better assimilate to with the gender to wish you belong and be more confident about ourselves and society with a feminine voice? posted Nov. 1, 1999


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