Q&A
Q. Could you give me a little info for going in public places for us just coming out, and who may fall across awide range of how completely female they will appear or dress? Are there many others out there who try to combine both sexual worlds,including in how they dress? Is it wise for me to go places partially dressed, such as just wearing a simple skirt, or am I asking for trouble from those who don't understand? Is it better to completely make myself up before going out? I want to go out acknowledging my femininity,but I should I just dress how I feel, or follow a more detailed plan?
Response by Krystle Glass
A. While this may appear to be several questions, they all deal with the same theme, one many of us face at some point or another - going out in public and presenting our inner selves to the world.
For those who are venturing out for the first time, I suggest doing so as part of some group. Either as part of a support group, with some friends who know and already accept you, perhaps at an organized event. Taking things in stages helps to build your confidence and comfort level. And those are something we ALL need to be able to present our face to the world. Even the most "passable" (more on that term later) of us will not succeed in going out in public, if we are not comfortable with ourselves and letting the world see us, or if we do not have the confidence that we can go where we want and have every right to do so. If we lack confidence and feel uncomfortable, it will translate into our facial expressions, movements and body language. We will unconciously transmit our fear to the world around us. That alone will attract attention to us and if there is anyone around who might lean towards attacking the weak, we will send them the message that we are easy prey. Not all of us look, act or move completely naturally. We all have varying degrees of skill and luck in those areas. But someday go to a mall and really look and watch the people, especially the women, you see there. You will find a tremendous range in appearance, mannerisms, conduct, dress etc. Somewhere within that spectrum you will see, is a niche you will fit into. We all have dreams of looking like a supermodel, but realistically some of us are meant to look like housewives, some look like salesgirls, some pull off the business woman look, some the co-ed. Find your niche and work on it. Take it as yours and give it your own singular touches.
As to combining genders in dress and appearance, I honestly have no idea how many do so. But there are people who do. What comes to mind is the androgyny look. Boyish looking girls, femme looking boys, those who strive to appear sexless and genderless. By and large I don't think they make up as large a segment of the transgender community as those who strive to appear as their opposite gemder. The vast bulk of humanity is either male or female, and most transgenders try to appear to be one or the other. So if you fall into a more blended role, then you will have a more difficult time blending in. The exception to that would be if you frequented clubs or communities where alternative lifestyles are more the norm. Greenich Village in New York City and Provincetown, MA are two examples that come to mind.
Is it wise for you to go out partially dressed in one gender role or another? Well that depends again on where you are going and what people you will be interacting with. I completely support everyone's right to dress and present themselves in whatever manner best expresses who they are (within legal limits; ie nudity) But the reality is that in order to function without threat of ridicule, harrasment or confrontation, a person needs to fit in somewhat. They have to conform to whatever is appropriate for where they are and what they are doing.In my opinion, dressing inappropriately gets more transgenders read than any other factor. Even a genetic woman will attract undue attention if she wears an evening gown to do grocery shopping, or if she dresses like a hooker to go to the mall. You wouldn't likely find a non-white at a skinhead rally or a skinhead at an NAACP convention, you wouldn't wear multiple piercings and studded leather to a meeting of investment bankers and you wouldn't dress like June Cleaver to attend a biker rally. Any of those would immediately attract loads of attention. And once attention is focused on you then unwelcome attention is soon to follow. The object for ANYONE, transgendered or not, is to "Pass". What do I mean by passing? I don't mean being able to dress en femme and go out undetected or unnoticed. I mean instead, being able to dress and present however you want and going out into the general public and being accepted. To not find yourself the object of derision or humilation. Heck most everyone, women, men, children whoever, like attention IF it is positive in nature and reinforces our self-esteem. For me to go out in public is a challenge. I don't fool myself into believing people don't know I am transgendered. But so far I've had no problems, no confrontations, because I try to dress and act according to where I am and what I am doing. I try to present as attractive an appearance as I can. And should I ever receive any admiring looks, so much the better. Even if they still know or suspect I'm not fully female.
Is it better to more completely make yourself up before going out? Well that is a matter of personal taste and choice. It doesn't need to mean trying for a supermodel look. Many women wear minimal or no make-up. The key is to do whatever you can to enhance not only your appearance, but also your mind-set, your mental self-image. If you feel good about how you look, then it will make life a lot easier and you more comfortable. Should you dress how you feel or follow a more detailed plan? Again that goes to personal style. Many people do not follow any detailed plan in their appearance. Dressing neat and clean is always good. Attention to the small details will help re-inforce your own feelings and more fully develop the bond between your appearance and your personality.
While it would be ideal if we could all go through life presenting how we wished without fear of trouble, that just isn't realistic. Everyone, transgendered or not, runs into the ingnorant, the cruel, people who enjoy tearing others down or exploiting a weakness. That is a simple fact of life. But we can minimize those occurences by what we expect, where we go, who we interact with and by paying attention to our surroundings and the details of our appearance. Most unpleasant situations can be best dealt with by ignoring them. Do not react to the taunts, cat-calls, rude comments, nasty looks. Keep your dignity and do not give them your attention. They simply are not worth it. The majority of people, even those who may not completely like or accept you, will leave you alone, providing you do not too seriously offend their moral sensibilities. And in those rare cases where you are unable to ignore the threats or leave the situation, do what you must to keep yourself safe and live to another day. For each day any of us go out into the public, it gives us the chance to open some eyes, change some opinions, educate some minds.
Best of luck to you and enjoy life each and every day.
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