I am scared to see a therapist

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Q. Hey, I have a question for you. I am 24, like a bunch of other people who asked you questions. I took herbal hormones for about 9 months, then I started using estradiol without the supervision of a doctor for over a month. I realized that it was dangerous and I should seek a doctor. I think I have found a good therapist to see that can also refer me to an endo doc. My problem is though, I am scared to go see the therapist. I know I am transsexual, but I am scared to do anything about it. It tears me up inside and I try to deny it everyday, but I really can't anymore. I really know who I am, I am worried about doing what my heart really thinks I should. I don't know why. I go to bed at night scared of being so masculine, and 5'11 150lbs.. knowing I could easily see a therapist and get anti-androgens and estrogen prescribed to me legally to stop anything else from happening. I don't know why I won't go to see the therapist I have found though. I really want to, I just cant find the courage to do it yet. I don't know how to handle the pressure in my mind, otherwise I would go tomorrow. I don't know what to do!!!
Response by Chrysalis

A. The easy answer of course is to just tell you to GO! But somehow I don't think that is what you want to hear just yet. If you have found a therapist in your area then there should also be some support group activity close by. And even if there is no formal support group to go to have you told a friend or a confidant of your feelings and desires? Sometimes just talking it out with an understanding friend will allow you to build up your courage so to speak. You know that unsupervised use of estrogens is just like playing roulette with your life. Try to find someone that you trust and can talk to about your issues and who would be willing to go with you to that initial appointment. There is nothing wrong with taking an understanding and caring friend with you when you take those first steps.
Good luck on your journey and remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Chrysalis