Transgender: What Should My Children Call Me?
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Q&A
Q. Should my kids call me dad? They have been calling me (insert femme name here). I Believe that to be a woman, is not to be a man. So I hate being called anything that has to do with the male gender. I Have always known I wanted to be a woman cause I have never felt different otherwise. Although I am 32 years old, I'm taking natural estrogen pills, promensil, black cohosh , and sage on a daily basis. I wish that I was taking regular premarin ( the purple pill) but just haven't gotten around to it. I've been married X yrs. still married, but want a sex change bad. I 'm not sure what my future holds but am comfortable where I'm at as long as the kids aren't pressured at school because of me. How can something so clear to me be so hard for people to accept and live with? So, should I have my children call me dad? I have them call me Miss (femme name), or just (shortened version of femme name). What do you think?
posted Feb. 5, 2000Response by Krystle Glass
A. The short answer to your question is yes. If your children want to call you Dad, then most emphatically yes they should.
I can easily empathize with your feelings but this is something that transcends your feelings and needs. It goes beyond being male or female. It goes to being a parent. You see in my mind we need to focus on what kind of people we are first and our gender issues second. As people, especially as parents, there are times when we MUST put what we might desire aside and instead devote ourselves to what our children need. And children need their Dad. They do not see or relate to you as the rest of the world does. They don't see you so much in terms of gender but instead in terms of the role you play in their lives. A child's Dad is one of the main anchors in their lives. Their relationship with you has staggering repercussions to so an infinite number of aspects in their lives. Their entire lives and all the relationships they form throughout it.
As it is you will not have the same parental relationship with your children that non-T* parents have. And your children will have to deal with things that the kids of non-T* parents will not. But that's life and you are the only one who can decide just how much they will have to deal with at what ages. Personally I am of the opinion that children should be able to grow up and not have to deal with the burdens of their parent's issues. But I also know how strong and deep the need to BE who you really are can be. SO each of us has to determine for ourselves when the pressure form our own needs can no longer be denied or held in check. It is at that time that our children will have to discover and deal with our transgender nature. But they still retain the right and need to call you Dad, or whatever else they find they are most comfortable with. Let them decide what to call for that is how they will define their relationship with you and your role in their life.
From the moment our children are born we become parents. For good or bad. It is a responsibility we must always strive to fulfill to the very best of our ability and it will mean sacrifices and many tough decisions. Asking them to call you Miss "X" or "X" is the first step to abdicating your role and responsibility. Please don't cheat yourself or them by doing so. You will reap far more riches by being their Dad and all it entails, then the bit of validation you might get by being addressed by them as a female.