Asking Wife to go Out While Crossdressed

Q&A

Q. I just recently started dressing and went out for the first time this past weekend... Would it be advisable to ask my wife to go out with me or should I wait awhile? She has been very supportive so far but I don't want to "rock the boat." What do you think?

Response by Krystle Glass

A. First of all let me congratulate you on your getting out. I think it's great that your wife is able to be supportive and that you are keeping her feelings in mind. Thos two factors; her support and your concern for her, will go a long ways to this being something that will not detract or harm your marriage. I assume that since you are just beginning to get out and to dress, that your wife has not known about your femme side for long. If this is so, bear in mind that she is still adjusting to this new dynamic. She will be going through and sorting out a lot of feelings and ideas and viewpoints. She has not had as much time as you to think about this.

So my suggestion is this: Rather than invite her to join you, just let her know that she is welcome to be as involved and as much a part of your femme side, as she wants to be. Let her know you would welcome her going out with you, but do not specifically invite her, yet. If you invite her, you place the burden of action on her. You put her in a position where she has to make a choice- to join you or not. She may not be ready to face such a choice. She may feel that if she doesn't join you, that it will be like a rejection of you. That would conflict with her attempt and desire to be supportive. As a result she may feel as if she really has no choice in the matter, and that could lead in time to a subconscious resentment. If instead you let her know that should she ever want to join you she is welcome, by making certain she is aware that you want her to be as much a part of your femme life as she wants, with no pressure to be more involved than she is comfortable with, you let her know she is still a vital and important part of your life. She will know she is not an impediment to your happiness, that she is not being excluded or pushed aside. Best of all she will feel no pressure to do or be anything more or less than she is or is ready for. That will enable her to grow into this new aspect of your life at her own pace and help foster an atmosphere where you both can benefit most.