I was walking down
Broadway -- a small group of friends in tow – when, just as I crossed West
22nd Street, I heard a voice shout, “Hey, beautiful, is that an
Adam’s Apple you have”? With a chuckle I turned and saw four or five guys
in their late-20s, sitting in their compact car (no doubt part of the
“bridge-and-tunnel-crowd” that descend upon Manhattan from New Jersey,
Connecticut and the other New York boroughs each weekend) laughing as they
waited for the light to change.
“Honey, that’s the least of what I have,” I
said with a giggle, prompting them to laugh once more. We then engaged in a
playful banter for the next few moments. Were they initially laughing at me?
Perhaps, though I wasn’t sure, but, now, they were laughing with me. As the
light changed they pulled off with a parting, “you’re pretty cool, have a
great night!” And so I did.
Since I had walked out of the closet so many
years ago, encounters like these have become a regular occurrence for me. I
don’t necessarily go looking for them; but it’s pretty hard not to find them
when you’re walking down the street in a pink, spaghetti strap, Gucci
mini-dress and matching spiked sandals. And though things don’t always go so
smoothly, I have to say that most times they do.
For all the remarks that are aimed at me, I
never took any of it too seriously. Several of my friends were offended at
the Adam’s Apple remark, and given the chance would have opted for a simple,
“Fuck you,” or some other aggressive response. Many of the guys who are
arrogant with TG girls are often insecure within themselves to start with,
making for a potentially explosive situation. So, when met with head on
anger it is a breeding ground for physical confrontation. Leaving me to
wonder why any TG would risk the possibility of physical harm as their first
course of action? What purpose could such an action provide?
Even if I had taken an aggressive stance, met a physical
confrontation head on, and emerged victorious, what is the prize? The odds
are higher that I would have ruined my new shoes rather than changed
anyone’s views about me. Not to mention that the rest of the evening I would
have been all worked up emotionally, only to have me right back where it all
started anyway. That’s not to say that I take everything that comes along,
because sometimes, you just have to stand your ground. But I at least try to
give the antagonist a way out, by trying to ease the tension first. If it
doesn’t work, then sometimes you have to decide your next option. In fact
later that same night, outside of Centro Fly, the club we were en route to,
another fellow yelled out from his SUV, as he was waiting to park.
Again – with a smile – I found myself in a
verbal banter; however, this time was different. This guy was hostile and
arrogant. The more my remarks brought laughs from his friends, the angrier
he became. But, I never downgraded him; I only made light of the situation.
It is easy to keep a lighthearted mood if you don’t allow people under your
skin. By realizing that their words don’t define you, but only them, makes
that easier to do. Someone calling me a freak, fairly or jerk doesn’t
necessarily make me those things; but does define them for saying it. With
every insult he threw, I tossed back something light and easy, until
finally, when he had been verbally out jousted long enough, he screamed, “
I’m gonna kick your ass fagot!”
What was I to do? My friends were quite
stunned when I reached down and took my shoes off, looked at him and quietly
said, “OK, come on. But, keep in mind that how bad a beating I give you will
depend on how dirty you get my dress.” He stood there a long minute,
absorbing the words, and finally, cracked a smile and started to laugh. And
that was that. Maybe he realized how ridiculous the whole affair was, or
perhaps he suddenly realized that had he lost, his friends would never have
let him live it down. Still, right until the very end, I kept offering him a
way out through humor, and just in time, he took it. Confronting someone is
always a last resort however, and only if you’re confident you can handle
the situation. Otherwise just walk away: use your head, not your ego.
Believe me, I have walked away from many hostile situations where I felt
that I was in danger.
For the most part I have found that being
candidly transgender disarms people. Straight guys love to yell, “You’re a
guy,” or something to that effect. But, when you shrug it off as though
“Your point being,” what else is there really left for them to say? Their
punch line came and went, and had no affect. When they then know that you
know that they know, everyone is more comfortable. That doesn’t imply
abusing yourself for their sake, but rather making light of the obvious.
There are times when being TG can be funny, and onlookers shouldn’t be
expected to pretend that something out of “their” ordinary hasn’t occurred.
When someone yells out, “Hey, you’re a guy,” that’s an observation not
necessarily an insult. And even if it is first intended to be, most people
would chuckle when my friend Dahlia would counter, “Thanks for reminding me,
I had almost forgotten.”
In the end, we are new to people in the
mainstream, and many, especially young straight guys, are intimidated and
insecure. So, to cover it up, they try their hand at an insult for laughs.
Our society breeds contempt and insult: watch any of the late night talk
shows. So I say, there is too much drama in the world already, so why add to
it. Does it make you feel better to be hostile to make a statement? Get
over it, and make your point by example: live and let live with a smile.
Even if the other person is a little slow to grab the idea, usually they’ll
realize how silly they are acting in time. Besides, wouldn’t you rather be
trying on a new pair of shoes?
Until
next time, get out, be safe, and always think pretty!
Brianna Austin
